im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
