i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
