woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
