the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
