we have pet lesbian snakes
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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