I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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