lets start a swedish sibling band together
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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