I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
