We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
What drink are we having for lunch?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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