he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
