and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
