Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
