Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
