All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Pooping to opera.
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