Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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