I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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