I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
