And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize