he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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