Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
