and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
