If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
