Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
