It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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