i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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