What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
