booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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