I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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