I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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