i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
