Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
