My brain says no but my pants say off.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
