He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
