He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i think my cat just said my name.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
