i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
