me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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