Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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