part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
