I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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