My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Panties = found
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
