I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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