i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
