I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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