Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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