LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
