I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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