Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
