Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
