we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
