I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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