you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
