I wanna passion pit in your ass
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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