There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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