i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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