I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't trust your balls anymore.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
