No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
