We're facebook friends in real life
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's blow job season.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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