i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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