There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize