I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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