I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
