Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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