I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
