apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
