at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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